Whats that stink?

A Fools History, Cabins, and a New Space for Creatives

The Scarlet Letter
March 31, 2025

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Top of Mind

The Trees Are in Bloom, and So Is the Smell

Ah, spring in Columbus. The sun lingers longer, birds resume their endless gossip, and the air fills with the unmistakable scent of... gym socks and old fish?

Welcome to Bradford Pear season.

Every year, like a fragrant clock, these once-beloved trees bloom across central Ohio, a bouquet of white blossoms and regret. If you’ve stepped outside in the last few weeks and recoiled from the scent of rotting seafood in the wind, congratulations: you’ve just experienced Columbus’ most pungent seasonal tradition.

The Origin of the Offense
The Bradford Pear, a cultivar of the Callery Pear tree, was introduced to the U.S. in the early 20th century as a hardy, fast-growing ornamental tree. Urban planners in the '60s and '70s fell hard for it, just like we did with bell-bottoms and margarine. Big mistake.

The tree’s symmetrical shape and springtime flowers seemed like a suburban dream. What no one mentioned was the trimethylamine in the blossoms, a chemical compound also found in decaying flesh and bad decisions.

Banned in Ohio (and Several Other States)
Ohio officially banned the sale and planting of Bradford Pears in 2023, joining Pennsylvania and South Carolina in saying “absolutely not” to the arboreal offender. Minnesota is phasing them out through 2026, and many other states are encouraging people to rip them up like a failed garden gnome project.

Why the hate? Well:

They cross-pollinate and spread faster than conspiracy theories.
Their weak branches snap in storms like cheap plastic forks.
They crowd out native species and turn fields into impenetrable thickets.

And yes, the smell.Being middle class in Columbus means different things depending on how far up or down the scale you land.

Columbus: Holding Its Nose and Moving On

Last year, Columbus officially banned new plantings of Bradford Pears, and efforts are underway to replace them with native trees that don’t smell like expired deli meat.

The silver lining? It’s a teachable moment, a reminder that landscaping choices aren’t just about aesthetics. They’re about long-term ecological health, safety, and in this case, basic nasal dignity.

Next Steps for Residents
If you’ve got one in your yard, consider replacing it with a native tree like an Eastern Redbud, Serviceberry, or Dogwood. Not only will you help the ecosystem, but your neighborhood joggers will silently thank you for not turning their morning run into an olfactory assault.

And if you’re a little nostalgic for the stench? Don’t worry, we’ll get another good whiff next March. Spring may come and go, but some mistakes bloom for decades.

Scarlet Letter Trivia

Question: Roughly how many “street trees” are in Columbus, Ohio? (A “Street Tree” is a tree planted and maintained within the public right of way typically in between the street and side walk)

A) 8,500
B) 96,000
C) 200,000
D) 125,000

Twelve34 House: Your Penthouse in the Forest

Hidden among the trees of Hocking Hills, Twelve34 House isn’t just a cabin, it’s the most luxe vacation rental in the region. Imagine a glass-wrapped penthouse, tucked into the hillside, where design meets deep rest and your only neighbor is the forest.

Slide into the 11-foot blue velvet sofa beside a vintage MCM fireplace, cue up your favorite playlist on the Bluetooth sound bar, and feel time slow down.

🏡 Designed with Intention and Care

Inside, it’s all about comfort with style:

A chef’s kitchen complete with LG convection + air fry oven, pot filler, and Nespresso Vertuo (pods + flavorings included, of course)
Two spacious bedrooms with floor-to-ceiling treetop views and beds guests regularly call “the best sleep ever”
Oversized designer bathrooms, stocked with monogrammed robes and slippers that make spa days feel DIY
Massage lounger, for obvious reasons

Outside, things get even better:

A fully covered deck with gas grill, beverage fridge, and Ooni pizza oven overlooking the ravine
A Bluetooth fire-top table surrounded by cozy, design-forward seating
A hot tub that peers out toward the woods and down to the crackling fire pit below

Twelve34 sleeps four guests, making it perfect for one or two couples who appreciate good lighting, great wine, and the kind of details you didn’t even know you needed until you got here.

This is not just a place to stay, it’s a place to fully be.

Twelve34 House. Luxe where it matters. Treetop views where they count.

What a cozy pit!

Fool Me Once, Every April

Tomorrow is April 1st, the only holiday where the bar for participation is low, the social norms are broken, and trust issues get a full 24-hour workout.

Whether it’s pretending to quit your job, putting tape over someone’s mouse sensor, or watching a brand roll out a fake product like “Ketchup Yogurt” (we see you, Heinz), April Fools' Day is our annual reminder that reality is bendable, gullibility is universal, and some people should never have access to Photoshop.

So where did this chaos come from?
The most accepted theory dates back to 1582, when France made the switch from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar, a rebrand that moved New Year’s Day from April 1 to January 1. Some people didn’t get the memo (this was pre-Twitter), and kept celebrating in the spring. Those folks were called "Poisson d’Avril" or “April fish” a French insult suggesting they were as gullible as a fish that bites anything.

Giphy

To this day, French kids try to tape paper fish on each other’s backs, which is their version of a zany prank. Europe: setting the bar for mischief incredibly low since the Renaissance.

And globally, it gets weirder:

In Scotland, April Fools’ used to last two days. Day one was “Hunt the Gowk” (sending people on fake errands). Day two was “Tailie Day,” which involved pranks on people’s backsides. It's unclear how "respectfully unhinged" became an entire cultural approach, but we respect it.
In Portugal, people throw flour at each other. Not symbolic. Just... flour to the face.
Iran has celebrated a similar prank day called Sizdah Bedar since 536 BC, making it arguably the oldest version of April Fools. It involves jokes, picnics, and flinging sprouted greens into rivers, all more charming than pretending your roommate got expelled.

In the U.S., we let corporations handle the jokes.

Taco Bell once claimed it had purchased the Liberty Bell and renamed it the Taco Liberty Bell. People called their congressmen.
NPR once posted an article titled “Why Doesn’t America Read Anymore?” The joke? If you clicked the link, the article was just one line: “Congratulations, genuine reader.”
Google does something unhinged every year. (Highlights include Google Nose, Gmail Tap, and a button that sent emails with random Beyoncé quotes.)

Oprah

Fun fact: April Fool’s is illegal in some places.

In Iran, pranks are only allowed before noon. In the UK, it’s considered bad luck to prank after midday. In the U.S., pranks are just considered "marketing strategy."

But what’s the point of it all?
No one really knows. It’s one of the few holidays with no saint, no federal recognition, and no discount at Kohl’s. But maybe that’s the beauty of it, a day when we collectively lean into the chaos. A reminder that the world is still kind of funny, even if the jokes are usually bad and someone’s lunch is about to get swapped with Jell-O.

So go ahead. Tape googly eyes on the office printer. Fake-move to another city. Tell your boss you adopted a raccoon. Just remember:

If your joke involves bodily harm, HR, or spiders... maybe sit it out.

And if someone tells you The Scarlet Letter is moving to Substack today, don’t believe them. (Or do. It's April 1. Reality is optional.)

Trivia Answer:

C) 125,000 in 2023 the City of Columbus completed an inventory of all the street trees. Finding that 56% of streets have a nice amount of trees on them!

Arrivederci